Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Smart Mouth -- first excerpt from Josie's book!

Josie's book is a doozy, as we meet hot, commanding, introspective Dr. Alex Derjian when Laura goes to the hospital to have her baby, Dylan becomes a doula (sort of), Mike shows his ass (literally), the baby's paternity is revealed (kind of), and Laura names her daughter something meaningful (no, not Peanut Butter Hulk Smash, and not Jeddy).

Here are the first few pages of Smart Mouth:

“Oh, my God, where are the balls?” Josie practically screeched as she and Laura entered Jeddy's. The warlock waitress was missing, and the joint was empty, so it wasn't hiding behind some crowd of rowdy college students.

As she craned her head around to see if it had been moved, she was disappointed to find no trace of the cardboard monstrosity anywhere.

“Gone,” Madge croaked, eyeing Laura's enormous belly. “You got triplets in there?” she asked, poking her tummy with her stylus. Laura wore a lovely pink, cotton tent that used more fabric than a king-size duvet. Josie felt sorry for her these days, with cankles and sciatica and a belly that stretched so far she could use it as a sail after the birth.

It had been Laura's idea to come and eat lunch at Jeddy's, and against Josie's better judgment she'd said yes. For Laura it was all about the food, and when a hungry, overdue pregnant woman suggests the place that serves her favorite comfort food, you don't argue.

“No, but I'll happily eat for four,” Laura answered, making Madge's face crack into a grin. No, really – it cracked in half and she looked like a Muppet for a second. How a dried-up old prune like that could smile and make it look almost human was beyond Josie.

“You threw the warlock away?” she asked Madge as they chose their favorite booth and Madge slapped the menus down on the scarred tabletop.

“No. My granddaughter asked us to donate it to some fancy autism charity ball auction.”

“Rich people want to buy a cardboard cut out that's been fondled thousands of times?” Josie asked as she slid into the booth. Laura turned sideways and tucked her belly under the table. Nope. Stuck. Madge watched, head cocked, as she struggled to get in.

“How's that different from Paris Hilton?” Madge challenged, shaking her head as she observed Laura's pathetic attempt. Josie felt a pang of compassion and stood, offering Laura a hand to unwedge herself.

“Touché.”

“You need a table,” Madge said, moving the menus over to a four-top.

“I need a crowbar,” Laura groaned. Josie smiled sympathetically and patted her hand. Two days overdue and Laura acted like the world was ending. The only part of her that seemed to function properly these days was her appetite.

“Let's get you started with some fried green tomatoes,” Madge answered, scribbling on her electronic tablet. “and you like the Peanut Butter Hulk Smash...” she mumbled, ignoring them.

“Coconut shrimp!” Josie interjected.

“With a side of Pitocin,” Laura begged.

Stay tuned for more!

2 comments:

  1. So when is this book available to purchase Julia? Can't wait!

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  2. End of April/early May (it all depends on timing of editors, formatters, cover designers, and my need to finish it LOL. Thanks for asking -- I love writing about these characters!

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